Spontaneity strikes again

So, I think my feeling lost and restless in NY was understood to all and incessantly repeated. The interviews were on, but virtual anyway, and took time to coordinate with 5 different time zone considerations. There were no calls from companies in NYC, never mind Craiglist Gigs I was wayyy overqualified for! It was just getting pointless. There is no will in me to live there. So why delay? What is the point really? Why choose to suffer?

And seeing my family on those Skype chats only made it harder. So, it was time for action. With the help of family, I was on a flight to Paris with a 3 hour departure from home notification. I closed my suitcase, which was always ready for departure - just in case, and headed to JFK. I couldn't believe how fast it all was. I was breaking my own records for spontaneity. But it felt good! When things aren't moving, you have to shake the system to make something happen. And I did it, taking a big chance.

It was funny to leave NY because it was really without saying a proper goodbye but this time, it felt okay. I had great experiences there, nice moments with people and quality time with myself and it was time to move on. I had enough of concrete! I arrived in Paris on August 26th, smiling, excited and feeling like I was on the road again. I enjoyed that feeling. I missed it!! The adrenaline, the ambiguity of what I might encounter and what kind of experiences will be added to these travels. It's kind of addictive - once I get back to normal desk life, this is going to be hard to shake out of my system. I doubt I will ever be able to do that.

So here I am in Paris. I take the Air France bus to the Etoile, already knowing exactly where I'm going and speaking the language. On the bus, I was lucky to meet someone fun and interesting with potential to work together. I arrived at my aunt's beautiful home and rang the bell. The sight of my mom after 6 months was amazing. Really truly incredible and overwhelming. Skype's good but this can't be replaced really. It was great. I also knew at that moment how hard it will be once she left back to Tel Aviv. The house was full of suitcases, something like a 'lost and found' section at the airport. Before I know it, I am loaded onto a car, with literally 35 suitcases of family members, and we headed out to Deauville. No manicure, no pedicure, no waxing, no hair repairs. Nothing. But what the heck, I am used to it and these travels have taught me the transience of materialsm. My cousin packed stunning Gucci and unremembered name brand gowns for me. How can I complain?!

The 4 days that followed were incredible and intense. Family around the clock, all of us in rotations with one another, catching up in conversations on life and what's been going on and just good times. From being solo 24 hours a day for 3 months, those 4 days literally wiped off the 6 months I have been alone and away. Nothing has changed; and that is comforting in a way. You know what you're missing and you know what you aren't. The wedding was incredible. Kings and queens, princes and princesses, all at a ball. So glamourous and tasteful. No words.

It is raining here in Paris tonight but it is still so beautiful and I sit in this gorgeous study in a Champ de Mars apartment, overlooking the Eiffel Tower. And still, I sometimes can't believe that I am here, that this all is happening, that I am travelling. It's like it's someone else's life and I will wake up soon to the standard reality of a 9-7 job, rented apartment, friends, life, etc. I had a job interview this morning with a well known brand here in Paris, starting to make connections, because "you never know". In the meantime, I am here, getting to know the city a bit differently this time around. The interviews of Buenos Aires are still on and things take time. But it's all for good cause and reason so I accept it. That guy who told me about time and patience was right.

Everyone has gone back to their homes, in Tel Aviv and London, and I am here, no longer alone but in the company of family. It was really hard to part from my brother and mom. Harder than I thought and I spent most of last night crying. One of my closest friends is arriving on Wednesday for 6 days. It's going to hurt like crazy when she goes home. I can enjoy the moment and the present but I already know, after parting from my family, that it won't be nice after she leaves. Why is it so hard? Why can't you take everyone with you?

I thought about going home last night but I know I need to be away. I need to try new things and open up new doors. When you're on a journey to kind of change the course of your life and relook at your choices, it is best to be alone I think. Being with family helps, it does. But it also doesn't let you disconnect from everything you know, to be on neutral ground and try things out for yourself. They just don't get what Buenos Aires has that other places don't. 'Why would you want to go so far?', they ask me. But it's not something you can really explain or grasp. You have to experience it and I know I'm not crazy. Every time I connect with someone back there, in that new home I made, I miss it all over again and wish I could be there again. Paris reminds me of Buenos Aires so much, it almost hurts. And it's so beautiful here but lacks the warmth of South America, the 3rd world elements of people living in poverty but smiling, in lots of deep economoic s$%& but still passionate. It doesn't exist here. Nor in NY.

You can't run away from your origins and home, but you can learn to embrace a new place and a new life. Life is all about that and the world is ours, and mine for that matter, and I want to get to know it before I make a home of my own in a corner of this world, which I dont know where will be yet. I actually have no clue right now - I would like for it to be Israel, and enjoy life at the sea with the sun and family. Sometimes I envy grounded people but on the other hand, they don't know what it feels like to fly - do they?

I have a few friends here and potential for many contacts but really, I'm starting over again. New friends, new initiative, new challenges, etc. Right now, I'm here. I don't know for how long because I came here with a one-way ticket purchased with mileage points of my aunt's Frequent Flyer membership (after traveling so much how is it that I dont have a free ticket yet!?). I don't know when or where the next destination will be but I hope it will continue to be into the arms of people embracing me. In the meantime, I enjoy my nostalgia on wonderful moments this year has given me and I would love a hug tonight in this rain, cozying up in this comfortable bed.

Bonne nuit.