The quest for the 'best of all possible worlds'
15.01.2011 - 19.01.2011 10 °C
I arrived Saturday morning - it was so foggy that the plane hovered over the city for 30 minutes in circles. At this point of things, after flying so long, all I did was keep on reading my book and hoping for the best. What else can you do? If only those dizzy turns weren't part of the ride. But that too, has passed.
For the first time in my life, I am unable to grasp what has come to me, to my hands and I am so cautious it is as if I am treading on quick sand, fire stones. It has been an incredible 4 days again. There is not one dull moment and I learn something almost on the hour. It's absolutely overwhelming to be able to be with someone for 13.5 hours straight, going from a stroll around town, gathering with the local crowds for a popular Milanese snack (name forgotten due to abnormal alcohol levels that night), riding a swing in the middle of a piazza, visiting a church in the evening to admire the art and then on and on drinks, dinner and more drinks and then a, party until 7am at a one of Milan's coolest gay spots "Plastic". Loved it! Dressed in jeans, a tank top and converse. Nothing fancy, no heels, nothing. Just ourselves. Dancing and struggling to pass through the crowd, back to back, shoulder to shoulder, and shamelessly, butt to butt. I entrusted myself. Frankly, I had a great time its almost unreal to me that something like that can be possible at all. And if that wasnt enough, we came home and sang to Bernstein's Candide. Nothing out of the ordinary.
Sunday - doing nothing but doing it together. It's something I admit I've forgotten about. Really can't put my finger on it, nor can I find the word. But it feels.
Yesterday I took myself to Museo del Novecento by recommendation and really enjoyed it. It's now open to the public for free - 4 floors of pure Italian art, from Cubism to Expressionist to Futuristic and sculptures, crafted with passion by Nigro, Licini, Boccioni, Sironi and Chirico amongst others. Wandering museums alone is always such a great pleasure - you get to sit and look into space or gaze into a photo for as long as you'd like. The second time around, it is amazing that somehow, even when Milan is in mid-day mid-week business ongoings, everything is still so quiet, laid back and relaxed. The only way to know that something is actually happening there is to go with the people who know. Otherwise, you'd never guess. Ever!
Last night, in closing of my visit we went to dinner at Victoria, a delicious (Italian, certo) restaurant with tall candelights, red velvet chairs, wine bottles nosing out of racks and out onto the diners, and art nouveau on the walls. And as I said before, never having one dull moment, he led me into Le Banque to a late 30s - 40+ scene on Monday nights. What really was a bank in the past is now home to a club with tall domes all around the entrance, marble flooring and spacious space for guests who come to do a different kind of business. Before we knew it, we're caught up in someone's birthday party with some medium-hi social profiles, the two of us naively sitting front row in Napoleonic chairs, drinking on marble tables and an Italian DJ singing pop, in Italiano, and simultaneously playing the piano. One drink turned to three; it was just a pity not to stay and see how things would develop.
And this morning was time for 'a bientot'. A moment in this new venture that always makes me feel queasy and uneasy. I stayed until I had to go and left a little piece of me behind. Just a little one to start with. The last days have literally been a world parallel to this one which we call our collective life on earth, yet feeling like it has absolutely no connection whatsoever. I am unable (or unwilling?) to label what I'm feeling, thinking but it is something.
Ready to head back to Paris I go to the airport only to find out 1) the flight was cancelled and 2) I'd be very late if it wasn't and probably would've missed it as the attendant made sure to point out. Damn, trying to play with my luck subconsciously? I had the option to stay another day but thought it'd be smarter to go back to my life, 'cultivate my garden' if you'd like as Voltaire says, and tend to the things happening right now; and also, to respect the value of distance between two people and what good it can do, as it does. I am a believer in that.
I dont know which of the two would be the best of all possible worlds. I'm somewhat juggling between keeping the faith & trusting versus relying on past (and possibly still too recently bitter) experiences. Maybe the best of all possible worlds is exactly as it should be, as it is right now and that in itself is enough. I can argue with that but it's a claim that leaves a lot of room for thought.
Take two for two in Milan is now complete. Tomorrow I'm starting my week although it's already Wednesday but still, I'm going to see two apartments in the hopes that I can build a place for myself in the coming months until things are sorted out, make a home of some kind, and I need to make sure that I head back to the routine of daily work and duties. We must after all, cultivate our garden, do we not?